


Between Us Who Have No Secrets, You're Hiding Flowers Again

by TeaJamsCookies



Series: A Shot Of Oneshots [4]
Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: "Hyung will take care of you" also makes a cameo because this is a TaeGyu fanfic, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends Huening Kai & Kang Taehyun, Established Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Friends to Lovers, Hanahaki Disease, Happy Ending, Happy ending don't worry, I WON'T HURT OUR BABIES LIKE THAT, M/M, Mentions of Choi Beomgyu/Choi Yeonjun, Mentions of Kang Taehyun/Huening Kai, Minor Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, Pink Roses, Shin Ryujin (ITZY) makes a cameo becuz I'm thinking of becoming a Midzy, Unrequited Love (but not for TaeGyu!!), also belated Happy Birthday Taehyun :), between us who have no secrets you're hiding flowers again, dizzy by ONEUS, flower things, pear blossoms, that's the most important tag here, throwing up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:08:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29285061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaJamsCookies/pseuds/TeaJamsCookies
Summary: When Taehyun learned that he had Hanahaki, he expected his days to be numbered and filled with flowers, tears, blood and pain.What he did NOT expect was to find out was that his friend Beomgyu was also suffering from Hanahaki– and maybe that was the start of a love so deep and beautiful that it overcame even death and disease.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun
Series: A Shot Of Oneshots [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1990885
Comments: 9
Kudos: 80





	Between Us Who Have No Secrets, You're Hiding Flowers Again

**Author's Note:**

> The title is the rough translation of a lyric from the song Dizzy by ONEUS! It's my favourite song from their album LIVED and I really suggest you listen to it; it's beautiful!  
> Also, this is my first time writing about Hanahaki and god, it was weird trying to remember how it feels when you throw up or cough just because I had to write those scenes... Sorry if the descriptions are weird >~<  
> As always, hope you enjoy reading this fanfic! :)
> 
> Guide:  
> ✿ = Scene Change!  
> ❀ = POV + Scene Change!

There was a tingling sensation at the back of Taehyun's throat. 

It made Taehyun want to claw at his throat because it made him feel like he was being tickled there and it felt very weird, like he had accidentally swallowed a hair. 

Taehyun's mind flashed back to the ramen he ate with Kai, his roommate, for dinner before he settled down to finish a few assignments before going to sleep. The last two hundred words of his essay were remaining so Taehyun decided to quickly finish his conclusion and then gurgle some water to fix whatever was wrong with his throat. 

As he hurriedly typed away the conclusion, the tingling sensation did not leave and in fact seemed to be getting worse, like someone was actually tickling his throat and just as he pressed the save button to make sure all his work didn't go down in the drain, he suddenly felt a cough coming up. 

Taehyun quickly covered his mouth and coughed lightly, wondering if he had caught a cold or a cough somehow when Kai popped into his room. As Taehyun removed his hand, he realised that the tingling sensation hadn't gone even after he coughed. 

"You okay?" Kai asked in concern, pulling at the strings of his penguin pajama hoodies and Taehyun internally cooed at the sight. Yeah, sue him, he is in love with his roommate and best friend but it's not like it matters, right? He can't tell him and ruin everything they have. So he will rather choose to coo over his adorableness inwardly. "I heard you coughing."

"Ah yeah, I'm okay," Taehyun reassured him but it was even weirder to talk with the tickling sensation at the back of his throat. "Just feeling a bit weird in my throat, but I don't think it's anything big."

"Okay," Kai nodded sleepily, covering his yawn with his sweater paw hand and Taehyun had to mentally restrain himself from physically cooing out loud at the side. "I'm gonna go to sleep, don't stay up too late, okay?"

"Okay," Taehyun's heart skipped a bit as the other boy waved at him before turning around and going to his own small bedroom that was opposite Taehyun's. Call him simple, but Taehyun just appreciated how Kai always cared and looked out for him and it was one of the many things he loved about the boy; even if it was something as minimal as Kai telling him to not stay awake for too long. 

Deciding that he should check out his throat, Taehyun made his way to their shared bathroom. He opened the tap of water and tried to rinse his mouth but the feeling did not go so he tried to gargle and the feeling somehow intensified making him choke on the water. Taehyun immediately spit all the water out and stared at the basin with wide eyes because there, floating right on top of the slow trickling stream of water, was a petal. 

It was white in colour and looked soft but Taehyun did not remember ever eating a flower. He wasn't an idiot, but he didn't want his thoughts to be real. So he hoped, maybe the petal was always there. Maybe it's from a flower Kai got or something but even as he looked at the soft, fresh petal in despair, he knew that flowers don't stay so fresh at such ungodly hours of the night. 

Something bubbled in his chest and the feeling rose again and this time, Taehyun just coughed out loud and felt a petal dropping from his lips this time. As he watched the second petal join the first one, he knew what was happening.

He had Hanahaki, the disease in which people start throwing up flowers because of an unrequited but strongly felt love they have for someone. And that someone happened to be his friend and roommate, Kai, who could very well walk in at this very moment and find out about everything. 

Taehyun scrambled to pick up the petals, mentally wincing at the thought that they actually came from his mouth (lungs to be exact) but he dropped them into the toilet and flushed it quickly, erasing all signs of any flowers from their bathroom.

It was probably for the best if he didn't let any of their other friends know either; Hanahaki was something that would eventually end up taking his life if he didn't do something about it and it was better to not involve his friends as long as he could; he didn't need more emotional drama right now anyway. 

✿

"I can't believe we're going to some fancy ass restaurant again," Taehyun grumbled to Kai as he made sure his suit looked perfectly fine. 

"You know Yeonjun-hyung likes to spend his money on us," Kai said with a smile as he fixed his bowtie. "I don't like to use his money but I can't deny that it isn't fun."

"How is this fun?" Taehyun asked, raising an eyebrow at the brown-haired boy who was checking himself out in the mirror of their bathroom. Over the same basin where Taehyun was coughing up a petal or two every night for the past two weeks. 

"We have to pretend to be all posh and elegant and it's so funny to see the three of you struggle so hard at it," Kai laughed and despite himself, Taehyun found himself smiling at the sound. 

"Like you don't struggle too," Taehyun teased him before tugging on Kai's sleeve before he could protest. "Let's go before we are late."

That happened 20 minutes ago, when the other three had come in Yeonjun's car (a really expensive one) and driven them to the restaurant where they quickly seated themselves on their reserved table. 

"I'll just go wash my hands," Beomgyu said quietly, standing up. Out of all of them, Beomgyu was usually one of the loudest along with Kai, but recently, he had started becoming quieter and distancing himself a bit. Taehyun was a bit worried about him because even if their friend group was only a year old, he still didn't want the other boy to just detach himself from them. 

"Binnie, are you feeling okay?" Yeonjun asked Soobin under his breath but the restaurant was filled with clinks of glass and ceramic and light chatter so the younger two heard it as well. 

"I am," Soobin reassured him, his eyes flickering to the spot Beomgyu had disappeared to. "Just worried about Beomgyu a bit..."

"I want to talk to him but he just avoids me and keeps bringing up excuses," Yeonjun said, a bit frustrated. It was to be understood, considering that before Yeonjun met Soobin and therefore consequently Taehyun and Kai (who were Soobin's friends) his only close friend was Beomgyu, who he had known since he was 11. After knowing each other for more than 10 years, the sudden distance and avoidance by the younger boy was confusing him. "We should ask him when he comes back..."

But when Beomgyu did come back, they never really got the chance to talk because Yeonjun and Kai engaged into a very animated conversation and Beomgyu just acted like he used to do before and it all felt normal. Taehyun would have been happy by the end of the dinner if it hadn't been for the tingling sensation in the back of his throat again. 

He knew better than to trust that sensation now; it was often followed by a coughing fit that made him feel like something burned the back of his throat. 

"I'll be back in a few minutes," Taehyun excused himself from the others and made his way to the bathroom, hearing Yeonjun (who was slightly drunk) shake a tired Beomgyu while he sang some song in his ear. The scene made him smile, a part of him aching at the thought that he won't be able to see these scenes much longer if he doesn't take surgery. 

The thought of surgery wasn't one that particularly pleased Taehyun; surgery meant that he would erase his feelings for the younger boy completely. There were two possible consequences after that; he could either fall in love with Kai again, or he would find himself unable to care for the boy at all. Basically, he will be indifferent to Kai's existence, and Taehyun was sure that that would truly break Kai. 

When he finally reached the bathroom, he knew from the silence and open doors that he was the only one there. Thanking the universe, he quickly tried to cough out the petal before anyone entered and managed to put out what looked like a half a flower. The sight made Taehyun's insides go cold and he stared at the unknown white flower resting innocently on the palm of his hand. 

He didn't know which flower it was but he had passed the point of throwing up just petals it seemed; even half the flower had only 3 petals so Taehyun suspected that it might not have more than 5 or 6 petals. 

For some reason, instead of throwing it away, he wanted to keep it and find out which flower it was but he couldn't bring himself to do it; Taehyun locked himself in a toilet stall and immediately dropped the flower in it and flushed. While he did his business, Taehyun wondered if the others were wondering why he was gone for so long but suddenly there was a slam outside. He hurried to quickly zip up, worried about who entered and why the door slammed like that but then whoever it was started coughing loudly, groaning deeply after every coughing fit. 

Taehyun quickly unlocked the door and stepped outside, to find Beomgyu hunched over the basin closest to the door, with a pink rose falling from his lips. The sight made him freeze and Taehyun couldn't speak. Beomgyu had Hanahaki too? 

The black-haired boy didn't seem to have noticed Taehyun because he was panting heavily, his tired eyes trained on the 5-6 pink roses that were clustered around the basin hole. Finally realising that someone else was there, Beomgyu looked up into the mirror and his eyes widened a fraction before he started laughing.

"Hyung? What–," Taehyun was shocked to his very core, not knowing how to digest this. Choi Beomgyu also had freaking Hanahaki. He was throwing up pink roses. But Beomgyu was just laughing, a convincing grin on his face that actually made Taehyun wonder if he mistook something.

"Fooled you, didn't I?" Beomgyu said in a teasing tone, pointing at the flowers. "Did you think I had Hanahaki? I was just pranking you, god your face was priceless–"

"Don't lie hyung," Taehyun's mouth moved before he could think over what he just spoke. Beomgyu's mouth snapped shut at that and he looked at Taehyun speechlessly. "You can pretend that this was a prank but if you think that I will believe it, then you're wrong. It makes sense. Why you have been avoiding us, and I'm not going to ask you why you hid it from us, but... I just want to know how long has this been happening?"

"I," Beomgyu looked away, his hair falling into his eyes as he stared at the tiled floor in shame. "I was sent to check on you. Let's just go back. We can talk afterwards once everyone is back home."

Taehyun tried to look into his eyes, trying to figure out whether Beomgyu was trying to avoid the topic but there was just plain desperation on his face so Taehyun nodded. 

"But we have to talk," Taehyun said seriously and Beomgyu nodded. 

✿

"Um, Taehyun and I want to talk so we'll just walk back," Beomgyu said to the three others– well technically two, since Yeonjun was passed out. Soobin, who was going to drive, paused in his steps to look at them in confusion. 

"But it's a long way back home hyung," Kai said, looking at his wristwatch. "Can't you talk tomorrow?"

"I'm sorry Kai," Taehyun said with a small smile. "It has to be today. Don't worry, I will be back soon and we will be safe, I promise."

"I don't know what you have to talk about so urgently," Soobin pursed his lips disapprovingly as he beckoned Kai to help him put Yeonjun in the backseat, "but you better finish it soon. It's getting late. Call me when you reach home, okay? It's good that tomorrow is a Sunday or else you would have had trouble waking up for class."

"We know hyung," Taehyun reminded him, but still smiling at the way Soobin cared about them like a mother hen. "We will leave now. Drive safely!"

With that, Taehyun took Beomgyu by the hand and led him to the footpath since they had to walk for 30-40 minutes now. It was enough time to talk so Taehyun glanced at the older boy, waiting for him to speak, but Beomgyu didn't look ready to speak. 

"I have Hanahaki too," Taehyun said in a brittle voice, to let Beomgyu know that it's okay to tell him. Beomgyu's head whipped towards him as he looked at the younger red-haired boy in shock. "It started around two weeks ago, I threw up half a flower today."

"You– Who?" Beomgyu asked, his eyes wide with disbelief. Taehyun smiled sadly, not looking at Beomgyu and instead choosing to stare at the road in front of them. 

"It's Kai," he replied quietly. "You?"

"Yeonjun-hyung," Beomgyu breathed, his voice showing a bit of awe as he spoke. "It's been happening for three months now."

"You did start to avoid us since Christmas," Taehyun noted, his eyes glancing at the boy beside him every now and then. 

"I tried to pretend it was all okay for a month or so," Beomgyu shrugged. "Didn't work. Full flowers started coming up and I just couldn't stay around you all anymore. I try and avoid Yeonjun-hyung as much as I can, since he is usually with Soobin-hyung and that makes double the amount of flowers to come up."

"It started when they started dating," Taehyun suddenly realised and Beomgyu nodded. "I never thought... How long have you loved hyung?"

"It's been 6 years," Beomgyu mumbled but Taehyun caught it anyway; the street was empty and silent save for them. Taehyun gasped lightly at that and Beomgyu gave a sad smirk. "It's a long time, isn't it? But I never suffered from Hanahaki back then; I think it's because Yeonjun-hyung seriously loves Soobin-hyung and that's why my love finally sealed the fate of being unrequited."

"Hyung...," Taehyun's heart ached for the older boy. 6 years was a really long time to have feelings for anyone. Unrequited feelings on top of that. No wonder he got Hanahaki and was suffering so much. Taehyun didn't need to think about how much it must hurt to cough up entire flowers, and five or six at that must be leaving him with something much worse than a burning throat. 

"It's funny," Beomgyu said, laughing lightly in the most humourless way possible. "I just don't remember a time when I wasn't loving him, you know?"

The look of utter sadness and devastation on Beomgyu's face broke Taehyun; the older boy just looked so, so tired and done with everything. Taehyun wanted to do something, help him, but he knew he was as helpless as Beomgyu in this entire thing. You can't just cure Hanahaki; you can't just wish and fall out of love. Love is stronger than that.

"I am so tired Hyunnie," Beomgyu sighed, closing his eyes at that. "So tired. I can't remember what it was like to not love Yeonjun-hyung, I don't know how to live my day without thinking and worrying about him and I can't stop loving him despite knowing that he loves someone else. Even then, my heart does not let me stop. These feelings just don't stop. And it hurts, Hyunnie. It hurts so much, but I just... I can't stop the pain."

"Why don't you take surgery?" Taehyun regretted saying the words the moment they left his lips. Beomgyu didn't seem to be judging him or anything but he just gave Taehyun a knowing smile. 

"It's not that easy, Taehyun," Beomgyu replied. "And I would rather die than do that. I can't imagine a world without Yeonjun-hyung. Like I said, I can't remember living life without loving him. That's how it always has been. And I would rather have it that way until I die. I personally don't like surgery; I feel like people who choose surgery just want to be rid of love but love is so beautiful. I was happy loving him, y'know? Now I just get hurt, but I still can't stop. I still can't bring myself to resent him for putting me in this situation because he had no control over it. I could never..."

There was silence between them for a few minutes as they walked silently. A car or two passed by them before Beomgyu spoke again.

"Do you want to get surgery?" Beomgyu asked in a gentle and understanding tone. Taehyun looked up at him, his face not giving away the flurry of his thoughts. "It would be better to get it done sooner rather than later, if you want. I can help you go through with it if you want–"

"No, hyung," Taehyun shook his head, wishing the other boy would stop looking at him with such understanding because it tempted him to just let loose; to speak out like Beomgyu had just done but he couldn't burden the older with his emotional burden when he was already going through so much. Taehyun swallowed thickly. "I don't want surgery. I don't want to hurt Kai like that. I will endure it for as long as I can, try to make up for the inevitable that will happen soon."

"Did you go to a doctor?" Beomgyu asked, his voice still gentle and kind. Taehyun shook his head. "You should. While there are no medicines or prescriptions that will work, the only thing doctors can help you with is figuring out how much time you have left."

"Hyung...," Taehyun realised the underlying meaning of his words. They were both going to die. Beomgyu before Taehyun, most likely. "How– How long do you have l– left?"

"It's...," Beomgyu seemed to be calculating it mentally as he looked up at the sky then answered, "9 months now. My deadline is around November end. Not that short, huh? I can probably finish off my bucket list–"

"Hyung no," Taehyun's hand fisted around Beomgyu's collar as he made them stop in the middle of the footpath, which was still, fortunately empty. Tears had made their way to Taehyun's eyes and while he still hadn't cried over his own impending doom, the thought of completely losing the ball of energy that Beomgyu was seemed to hack at his insides far worse. "Don't say that. Don't. You won't be going anywhere. You– you can live. You just have to try and not love Yeonjun-hyung anymore and then–"

"You think I haven't tried?" Beomgyu's voice cracked but the smile on his face was still calm and serene and it was so stupid that Taehyun wanted to hit Beomgyu on his chest until he stopped smiling like that but Beomgyu placed a hand on Taehyun's cheek and patted it. "Denial is normal, Hyunnie, but don't let it totally overtake the practicality you have. That's not the Taehyun I know and like."

"Hyung, no, you, you can't just leave me," Taehyun cried, feeling his warm tears run down his cold cheeks and Beomgyu's heart seemed to break at that because he stepped in closer to the younger boy and wiped away his tears. "You can't leave us..."

"Hyunnie, I don't want to leave either," Beomgyu said quietly but Taehyun heard him. "And it's okay. You will understand eventually. You will come to terms with it too. Don't cry over me; I'm not worth all the waterworks."

"What are you talking about?" Taehyun pushed Beomgyu away and wiped away his own tears as he glared at the older boy. "Of course you are worth crying over. God, the other three would wail for days at end, and Yeonjun-hyung would never forgive you for not telling him and, and I won't forgive you either for just leaving us–"

"Taehyun, calm down," Beomgyu rubbed Taehyun's upper arms and the action somehow made the boy calm down. Beomgyu was there with him right now, he wasn't leaving this very moment, he was there, he was real, he was alive. "It's okay, I'm here."

After a few more whispers of the older boy, Taehyun finally calmed down enough for them to start walking again in silence. 

"How are you so calm about this?" He asked Beomgyu after a few minutes, his tears dried on his cheeks. 

"I don't know," Beomgyu shrugged. "Maybe because I already cried my share of it long back? When I stopped crying, I realised that it's not all that bad. Sure, it hurts, and sure my time is measured but atleast I know how long I have. I just gotta make it all count. You are looking at it from the bad side, Hyunnie."

"Aren't you sad that I'm going to die too?" Taehyun asked, slightly miffed at that. Beomgyu smiled teasingly as he replied, "I'm going to be gone before that happens, Taehyun. Why would I be sad that you're going to join me even in death?"

"Hyung!" 

It was easier after that, to talk about their situation, Taehyun realised. Beomgyu seemed to cover it all up with jokes but Taehyun had a feeling that he was being serious in some of them. Maybe bright, optimistic Beomgyu really did look at it all with his sunny gaze. 

"You know that it will be hard to hide it from Kai, right?" Beomgyu asked him, raising an eyebrow. They were five minutes away now and both of them were tired and sleepy after the walk and the heavy dinner so they couldn't wait to be home already. 

"I know," Taehyun groaned, rubbing at his temples. "One time a petal remained even after I flushed and it was a second's save because I saw it before Kai could and flushed it quickly."

"You can be my roommate, you know that too, right?" Beomgyu asked with a small smile. Taehyun looked at him in surprise. "Ever since Yeonjun-hyung started rooming with Soobin-hyung, I'm alone in the apartment. And I mean, it was nice at first because I don't have to worry about someone accidentally finding the flowers. I also have a composting pit at home to put all the flowers in; I decided to start growing some plants to cover up the sudden presence of flowers around me."

"You really thought this through, huh?" Taehyun was amazed at how easily the boy had adapted to hiding it but it still made him sad. 

"I did," Beomgyu agreed. "You can be my roommate if you want; you wouldn't have so much trouble hiding it from Kai then."

"I don't think I need it hyung," Taehyun reassured him. "Thanks for the offer though, I will consider it if something happens."

"Okay then," Beomgyu stopped walking since they were finally outside Kai and Taehyun's apartment building. Beomgyu's building was just beside it so Taehyun watched him walk over to his own and they waved to each other and shouted goodnight before separating their paths.

Perhaps it wasn't as bad as Taehyun had thought it was at first.

❀

The empty apartment was eating Beomgyu on the inside. 

Distancing himself from his friends had been really hard for someone like him, who thrived on his daily interactions with his friends. They meant the world to him, especially Yeonjun, who had been there with and for him for as long as he can remember. And when Yeonjun decided to room with Soobin, it was like Beomgyu's world had fallen apart from the very core. 

He had pretended that he was okay with it (how do you tell your friend that you're heartbroken because even while he didn't love you, it was okay as long as you atleast stay as his roommate?) and Yeonjun had happily become Soobin's roommate. 

There was no way Beomgyu was fine after that, and he spent hours on end crying to himself until he choked on himself and found himself heaving rose petals in their (his?) bathroom. That was the final straw for him and what followed was days of crying on no end. 

But the crying helped him, it made him strong. It made him numb. And he thought he was doing okay until Taehyun found out his secret and he learned Taehyun's secret and he could finally talk to someone about this entire situation because Taehyun wasn't in any position to judge him or hate him or to leave him alone; they had to become each other's support pillars. 

And that was fine, that would actually be wonderful, Beomgyu realised when Taehyun burst into his apartment the next evening and started blabbering about what had happened that afternoon. 

"...and there was– I mean, there were petals just lying there because I just forgot to lock the bathroom door and he saw it and then I freaked out a bit but I told him that I got the flower on the way back from my walk and it accidentally tore and I found out while in the bathroom so I just kept it there and he believed me, thank goodness, but then he asked me which flower it was?! And I didn't know and I just lied that I didn't know and picked it up from some plant beside the road and oh my god, what if it doesn't grow on plants? What if it grows on trees or something and agh, he's going to find out–"

"TAEHYUN!" Beomgyu nearly yelled in his face and the younger boy jumped in his seat and shut his mouth as he stared at Beomgyu. "Calm down. It's okay. He's not going to find out. But if you act like this, he will. And it's okay, we can find out which flower you are coughing up. Then you will be able to lie accordingly."

"I, yeah, thanks," Taehyun hung his head in shame. "I don't wanna lie to any of them but, it's for the best, isn't it?"

"It is," Beomgyu agreed sadly. He pulled out his phone and looked at Taehyun expectantly. "What's the colour of your flower?"

"It's white," Taehyun answered. "I suspect it's 5-6 petaled, it's not larger than an inch or so..."

"Well there are many like that," Beomgyu frowned as he scrolled through the internet trying to find one that matched. "I will need to see it to recognise it..."

"Oh," Taehyun wasn't expecting much but he was disappointed. He wanted to know what flower it was. Beomgyu saw the disappointment on his face and quickly typed something on his phone.

"It's okay, there are other ways we can do this," Beomgyu mumbled as he scrolled through some more sites. Taehyun didn't want to hope any more so he let himself go limp on Beomgyu's small couch beside him. "Does it look like this?"

Taehyun opened his eyes to find Beomgyu holding his phone a few inches away from his face. It was the photo of a white, five-petaled flower and it matched the half Taehyun had coughed up back in the hotel and everyday after that. Taehyun sat up quickly, nearing ramming his head onto Beomgyu's phone but Beomgyu quickly moved it out of the way. 

"It is that one!" Taehyun said excitedly and Beomgyu looked smug at that. "How did you find it?"

"It's a secret," Beomgyu winked then looked back at his phone. "It's a pear blossom. You're right, it doesn't grow on a plant, it grows on a tree."

"Oh no..."

And with a groan, Taehyun fell limp on the couch again while Beomgyu smiled at him in both sympathy and amusement.

✿

The next day, Taehyun was at his door with his stuff ready to settle in. It was a bit of a shock for Beomgyu, who hadn't expected him to be there so soon and so early in the morning.

"You can't expect me to take days?" Taehyun asked incredulously as he made his way to the empty bedroom that once belonged to Yeonjun, his heavy bags trailing behind him. "That's every minute, every hour spent risking Kai finding out about the truth!"

"You say that like you throw up petals every hour," Beomgyu snorted. Taehyun paused in his movements to look at Beomgyu seriously. "Wait, really? You throw up that frequently?"

"No, but sometimes I throw up a petal or two like 5 or 6 times in one day," Taehyun said, feeling the ghost burn in his throat just at the mention. Beomgyu flinched at that and gave him an empathetic smile as he patted him on the shoulder. 

"That must hurt a lot," Beomgyu said, not acting grumpy anymore as he helped Taehyun get the rest of his bags in. "Just throwing up once or twice hurts a lot..."

"Do the flowers... What does it feel like to throw up a whole flower?" Taehyun asked, curiosity getting the best of him. He winced as he realised how insensitive he must have sounded but Beomgyu didn't seem to mind. He just looked sorry and Taehyun realised that it was because Beomgyu knew that Taehyun would be going through that soon as well.

"It's the same as the petals, but worse," Beomgyu answered after thinking for a few seconds. "Much worse. It feels like you're choking, like you can't breathe and sometimes the flowers just don't come up as easily. You have to hit your chest to get them to come up. And everytime I throw up, it's like my life flashes before my eyes. The entire throwing up process drains me terribly and I get tears in my eyes by the end of it."

"Hyung..." Taehyun tried to reach out for the other boy but Beomgyu just quickly put on a bright smile. He was such a convincing actor sometimes, that it was no wonder none of them had figured out that Beomgyu had Hanahaki. 

"It's okay," Beomgyu reassured him. "It hurts at the time and a bit after but I'm okay right now. I throw up usually once a day, or a bit more if Yeonjun meets me again and again. The amount of flowers also depends on how long you spend time with your unrequited love so..."

"That's why you offered me to come here, didn't you?" Taehyun asked, looking at Beomgyu who looked sad as he nodded. "Thanks hyung, for looking out for me."

"I just hate this," Beomgyu said quietly. "It was okay as long as only I was suffering, but why did you have to end up getting it too? The universe really is too cruel..."

"Atleast the universe gave me you," Taehyun said softly, nudging the older boy as he sat down on the dust covered bed. "You didn't have anyone when you first got Hanahaki. I have you to share this burden with..."

"You do," Beomgyu affirmed, sitting down next to him and slipping his hand through Taehyun's and squeezing it to let him know that he meant it. Taehyun smiled warmly, his teeth peeking out as Beomgyu smiled too and the older boy realised how cute the younger looked when he smiled like that. 

And that just broke his heart some more when he realised that the world wouldn't be seeing Kang Taehyun's smiles for much longer. 

✿

Letting Taehyun slip into his life was easier than Beomgyu had thought it would be. 

Life seemed much better and brighter with the younger by his side, helping him by just being there. When Beomgyu had his coughing sessions, Taehyun always patiently sat next to him beside the toilet seat and rubbed a soothing hand over his back as he hacked up the flowers. The burn seemed to lessen a bit everytime Taehyun stroked his back so Beomgyu started thanking him and doing the same whenever Taehyun coughed up half-flowers and lots of petals. 

There was an immediate comfort they felt with each other because of what they felt and were going through; they understood each other to a deeper extent and it made life so much easier. 

They didn't need to talk elaborately for the other to understand when they were feeling like throwing-up. They just simply got attuned to each other's needs and Beomgyu realised that both of their lives had slipped into each other's very easily. 

"I'm so glad I decided to come here," Taehyun said, a week after moving in. The two of them were watching a sad movie in their apartment because their own lives were sad movies and the intermission was going on. Beomgyu looked at him and stopped biting into his popcorn midway. "It was so hard keeping everything in before, y'know. Now I have you. Everyday when classes end, I don't have to go back to Kai and end up vomiting petals by myself while pretending to be going to the toilet. I don't have to keep in my gagging sounds and I don't have to stop my complains about how much my throat hurts."

"And I don't have to keep any of it to myself either," Beomgyu admitted, smiling at the red-haired boy as he let his head rest on Taehyun's shoulder. "Thanks for coming here. I never realised how much I was suffering simply because I didn't have somebody to talk to about this until you came."

"I wish we both didn't have to go through this," Taehyun said quietly as he laid his head on top of Beomgyu's. The intermission ended and the movie started again but Taehyun finished his thought anyway, "I would have liked to be like this under different circumstances."

✿

"They are definitely hiding something," Yeonjun said quietly to Soobin and Kai.

The five of them were at an ice-cream shop near their university and Beomgyu and Taehyun had gone to place all their orders. The two were discussing something by the menu list and laughing about something. 

"Do you think they are dating?" Soobin asked as he squinted his eyes at Beomgyu ruffling Taehyun's hair with a fond smile. Taehyun pouted at that and said something that made Beomgyu's eyes widen and he quickly stepped back from the younger boy. 

"No, I don't think so," Kai mumbled, watching them with just as suspicious eyes. "Taehyun wouldn't have hidden that from me."

"But he suddenly decided to room with Beomgyu," Soobin pointed out. Yeonjun didn't look at him as he nodded and continued to look at the two who were now getting their orders from the girl behind the counter. 

"This has started ever since we went out to that restaurant," Yeonjun pointed out. 

"Taehyun did want to talk with Beomgyu-hyung about something," Kai remembered. 

"Maybe he confessed...?" Soobin asked with wide eyes but saw Taehyun and Beomgyu approaching from the corner of his eyes and pretended to be talking about something else, "..so the essay was basically a fail and she received an F."

"What?" Yeonjun stopped staring at the two of them and instead looked at Soobin in confusion and incredulity. Soobin tried to tell him through his eyes to play along.

"What are you guys talking about?" Taehyun asked as he handed over their ice-creams to them. 

"Just um, about Soobin hyung's classmate who failed her essay," Kai said, quickly catching on. 

"Yeah, she cried and I felt so bad for her," Soobin nodded quickly, trying to look completely innocent. Taehyun sat down next to him and looked at Beomgyu, who was holding his and Taehyun's ice-cream.

"Mm, it tastes nice Taehyunnie," Beomgyu said, licking at Taehyun's ice-cream with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Taehyun's eyes widened and he quickly snatched his ice-cream from Beomgyu's hands and stared at it. "Nooo, let me take another lick–"

"No, nope, stay away," Taehyun pressed his palm straight against Beomgyu pouting lips and pushed him back onto his seat beside Kai and Yeonjun. "It's my ice-cream, and I don't share ice-cream."

"... Fair," Beomgyu shrugged, before starting on his own without fighting anymore. Taehyun rolled his eyes but then realised that the others were looking at them. 

"What?" He asked and the three immediately looked at their own ice-creams. "You are all acting weird..."

"Oh, it's nothing," Soobin said casually. 

"Just didn't know you two got so close," Yeonjun said just as casually. 

"Oh," Taehyun didn't know what to say and looked at Beomgyu urgently.

"It's just roommate things, hyung," Beomgyu grinned. "Once you spend a lot of time with someone, you become closer with them, don't you think?"

"Hmm," Yeonjun seemed to be scrutinizing Beomgyu's smile and Taehyun realised that they probably knew when the other was lying because of how long they have known each other. But then Yeonjun smiled, seemingly convinced. "Yeah, I guess."

Taehyun didn't trust the way Yeonjun had switched and Beomgyu could see that. He didn't trust it either. Knowing Yeonjun, he will probably try to get it out some other time. 

❀

"...text you about it later," Ryujin, Beomgyu's friend from his Psychology class, promised as they stepped out of their class. Beomgyu nodded and was about to say something in response when he noticed Yeonjun standing next to a tree and waving at him from behind her. 

"Oh, Yeonjun-hyung is here," Beomgyu said to Ryujin, who turned around and saw him. She waved at Yeonjun since they knew each other through Beomgyu and Yeonjun waved back. "I'll wait for your text then. And I'll look up some references myself to crosscheck with yours and then we can start on the project. So, see you tomorrow?"

"Yup, bye!"

Beomgyu made his way to Yeonjun, who immediately grabbed his hand and started dragging him somewhere. Just like the past six years, Beomgyu's stomach flipped at the touch and he found himself staring at their linked hands as Yeonjun dragged him. 

They finally stopped near a secluded part in their campus and Yeonjun looked at him seriously.

"Are you and Taehyun dating?" He asked in a demanding tone and Beomgyu was so shocked by the question that he just stared at the boy, stumped. 

"...what?" He finally voiced out his inner jumble of thoughts. 

"I asked, are you and Taehyun dating?" Yeonjun asked in a patient tone but Beomgyu knew that he was impatient inside and dying to know. 

"No, we are not," Beomgyu said in confusion. "But where did this even come from?"

"You two are acting a bit weird," Yeonjun answered, looking at his eyes with an intensity that made Beomgyu's knees go weak normally but their conversation at the moment had Beomgyu on the tips of his toes. "So we thought there might be something going on between you two."

"We really aren't dating, hyung," Beomgyu reassured him and Yeonjun nodded, realising he is telling the truth. "We just realised that we're good company to each other. It's just normal being-friends stuff."

"Hmm, yeah," Yeonjun nodded. "Maybe we just looked a bit too much into this."

Beomgyu agreed and watched Yeonjun say that his next class is in five minutes and how it's on the other end of campus while he struggled to keep the flower threatening to come up right there in his throat. When Yeonjun finally waved goodbye and ran off to his next class, Beomgyu quickly turned around and ran to the nearest bathroom where he puked out a flower behind the toilet stall he had locked himself in. 

And as he watched the flower float in the toilet water with despair, he desperately wished that what Yeonjun had said was real. That it would have been much much better if he liked Taehyun and if Taehyun liked him back, because then they wouldn't be dying and hurting like this. 

Then they might be alive and living and loving in peace.

❀

"Kai?" Taehyun poked the brown-haired boy's arm but Kai ignored him as he continued doodling on his book. It wasn't even an actual doodle, just random circles and lines that made no sense or shape but Kai seemed very focused on it. Taehyun could feel that Kai was unhappy at him. "Kai, talk to me please, I can't just read your mind, you know that..."

If there was one thing Taehyun knew surely about Kai, it was that he was weak to his close ones. He would never hold out or stretch things too far because he cared about them even when he was angry at them. And just like everytime, Kai stopped scribbling and looked at him, the hurt in his eyes very visible to Taehyun.

"Is this because of me not being your roommate anymore?" Taehyun asked patiently, his hand gently squeezing Kai's. Kai didn't say anything for a few seconds then mumbled a small ,"Yes."

"Do you... hate me Taehyunnie?" Kai's voice was small and Taehyun's chest burned at that; he wasn't sure if it was the Hanahaki or just his feelings, but his chest burned and his heart ached for the boy. "Did I do something wrong? Is that why you just suddenly left?"

"No, Kai," Taehyun shook his head as he continued to rub circles on Kai's hands. It was a habit of Beomgyu's that he used often on Taehyun when he coughed up petals; it was really soothing to him and Taehyun hoped to calm down Kai and make him feel as good. "It's not because you did anything wrong or because I hate you. I could never hate you, how can you even think that? You're an angel, it's impossible to hate you."

"Then why?" Kai pleaded silently through his eyes, just wanting an answer. 

"It's...," Taehyun racked his brains for a lie, anything he could come up with at the moment, "because of Beomgyu-hyung."

"Beomgyu-hyung?" Kai asked, perplexed. Taehyun cursed internally, hoping that Beomgyu would not mind the lies he was about to spout. 

"I, uhm, yeah," Taehyun nodded, quickly coming up with a lie that would make sense. "It's because Beomgyu-hyung was lonely. You see, since Yeonjun-hyung left to be with Soobin-hyung, Beomgyu-hyung felt a bit left behind. He has always had Yeonjun-hyung with him so the absence was a bit hard for him. He felt slightly hurt by Yeonjun-hyung and distanced from him and so also from us. And then we talked and I came to know about it so I wanted to help him feel a little less lonely. That's all, Kai, I just wanted to help. It's not because of you."

"Always so helpful, Taehyunnie," Kai smiled warmly, convinced by his random lie that Taehyun came up with on the spot. If he had to be honest, he was impressed by his own lie too. "Okay, you can room with him for as long as he needs. I want our Beomgyu-hyung back too. It's been a little dull without him; I can brighten you all up by myself for only so long..."

"Yeah," Taehyun smiled back at Kai, thankful for making his lie work. "I want us to go back to being like we used to."

"Hmm, me too," Kai nodded excitedly. 

The two boys talked for much longer and even after classes ended so Taehyun was grateful when Beomgyu messaged him about having bought a box of ramyeon that they will need to sort through for which ones Taehyun wanted and which ones Beomgyu did. 

"I gotta go," Taehyun said, waving his phone at Kai, who nodded, looking a lot more relieved and happier than in the morning. 

Taehyun walked away at first but once he was out of Kai's line if sight, he ran full speed to their apartment, feeling his chest burning more than ever and his throat clogging up. He felt suffocated and his mind was hazy and he couldn't think; his feet were running on muscle memory and then he was in front of their apartment, pressing on their doorbell for what seemed like forever until the door opened and Taehyun stumbled in and right into a surprised Beomgyu's arms.

Taehyun tried to call out to the other boy but he choked on the first syllable and heaved heavily, the exhaustion of the run finally catching up along with the burning in his lungs and he coughed and coughed and it felt like he was going to cough out his life but something finally fell right in Beomgyu's hands– a full pear blossom.

And Taehyun felt so tired as he looked at it and his eyes stung at the sight of it. Before he knew it, tears were running down his cheeks and he was full on wailing by the time Beomgyu quickly set the flower aside and led Taehyun to the small two person couch. 

"Hyunnie, hey, what's wrong?" Beomgyu whispered gently, not wanting to hurt the other boy in any way as he softly rubbed Taehyun's arms. "Don't cry, don't just– just tell me what's wrong Hyunnie..."

"It– It hurts so much," Taehyun said in anguish, feeling like his insides were on fire but not being able to do anything. Beomgyu immediately let go of him and ran to the kitchen to grab him a glass of water. "Hyung, come, come back here..."

"I'm here, I'm here," Beomgyu quickly sat down next to him and pressed the glass into his hands. "Drink some water Hyunnie, it will hurt a bit less."

Taehyun couldn't stop crying even as he took the glass and tried to swallow a bit of the water. Beomgyu rubbed his back and it somehow helped him down the water. Taehyun didn't know if it was the water or the rubbing or what, but his chest seemed to hurt a little bit less. 

"It's okay Hyunnie," Beomgyu whispered, pulling the boy into a hug when he finally kept the glass on the table in front of the couch. Taehyun didn't fight it and instead leaned into him, seeking a bit of comfort after what felt like years of hurt but was probably just minutes. "It's okay, I'm here. I can't make the pain stop completely, but I can try and make it go away. So breathe with me, it will help. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. There you go. Inhale, exhale."

Taehyun breathed at Beomgyu's instructions and it was like the air was a cool touch to his lungs that were on fire. They did this until Taehyun stopped crying altogether and was simply focusing on his breathing. 

"That's a good boy," Beomgyu said quietly, letting his hands run down to Taehyun's before he took them into his lap. "It will hurt now, Hyunnie, but I swear, you'll get used to it. It won't hurt that bad then. It's gonna be okay."

"I didn't cry because of how much it hurts physically hyung," Taehyun said, feeling tired and drained from his crying episode. "It's just the mental toll of everything. I can't stay near Kai even if I want to without suffering so badly for it. Spending even a few hours hurts so much and now I'm even coughing up whole flowers and everytime a petal came up, it was a reminder that Kai doesn't love me like that. That he will never love me like that and I am going to die and you are dying too and I just, don't want this, I want out, I want to run away from my own body, from my own self–"

Tears came back into his eyes but Beomgyu didn't say anything just listened to him silently and patiently until Taehyun just stopped talking because he was being impractical. He couldn't run away from anything, it was his fate and he was doomed to suffer until his last breath. 

"I know how that feels like, Taehyun," Beomgyu said, his voice dripping with his own sadness. "It hurts to stay away but it hurts more to stay with them. You can't completely avoid him, so you will have to get used to this. And I'll always be here to help you through it, you know that."

"How are you so strong, hyung?" Taehyun said in awe, feeling his body give out as he leaned into Beomgyu, seeking the warmth of another body. Beomgyu felt cozy and just comfortable. 

"I wasn't always like this," Beomgyu sighed against the top of Taehyun's head of hair. "I'm just numb to it all now. I have accepted it. You just need time Taehyun. Time may not be able to heal all wounds, but it can get you to get used to them being there."

"When did you turn so wise, hyung?" Taehyun closed his eyes, feeling sleep calling him as he felt Beomgyu breathe against his body. 

"I don't know...," Beomgyu trailed off. Silence hung in the empty apartment as they both just simply breathed. "Do you know the reason behind why we cough up these specific flowers, Hyunnie?"

"Hm? No," Taehyun could feel the sleepiness running inside of him but he struggled to stay awake and listen to Beomgyu. 

"Our flowers have a meaning," Beomgyu said quietly, his lips pressed against Taehyun's red hair. "And they mean what our love feels towards us. Pink roses mean gratitude and admiration. Because that's what Yeonjun-hyung feels for me. He's thankful to have me as his friend and he admires me for who I am but he doesn't love me the way I love him. I don't cough up red roses and neither does anyone else because of this."

"Oh," on a normal day, this would have woken up Taehyun but there was just something intoxicating about Beomgyu's warmth and the way it drew Taehyun into a comfortable sleep. 

"You cough up pear blossoms Hyunnie," Beomgyu's voice seemed a bit farther than it was supposed to but Taehyun hung onto it, wanting to know what Kai felt for him if not love. "Do you know what pear blossoms stand for? There are various meanings for it out there, but one of them is a lasting friendship. Kai really loves you as a friend, Hyunnie, he doesn't want you to hurt so badly. And I don't want that either. We're friends Taehyun, we care immensely for each other. So don't just break apart on me. Stay strong, I am always here for you to lean on."

Friendship. Such a beautiful thing that it was sometimes even better than love. Taehyun was really glad to have a friend like Beomgyu and his mind just switched out after that; he didn't know when he just feel asleep, curled into Beomgyu's side. 

He didn't know that the older boy was looking at him with a pained expression, hurting inside because watching Taehyun suffer was worse than hurting himself for Beomgyu. He didn't know that the black-haired boy wanted nothing more than to have the ability to take Taehyun's pain and disease away but felt so frustrated and helpless because of it. 

He didn't know because he was busy sleeping, soaking in the comfort and warmth that Beomgyu embodied. 

✿

A few days later, Taehyun realised something. 

He kept gravitating towards Beomgyu whenever he had the chance. It wasn't something he did noticeably, which is why it took him a few days to realise it, but when he did, it came with a sudden understanding. He found immense comfort in Beomgyu. His presence made Taehyun feel better and it made him feel safe. 

Beomgyu didn't seem to have noticed it, so Taehyun was thankful because otherwise, it would have been awkward to answer why he was doing that. 

"Listen to me," Beomgyu said impatiently, following Taehyun to the bedroom with a glass of water in his hand. "Seriously, Taehyun, just drink the goddamn water or else I'll hold your mouth open with one hand and pour it in with the other."

"You wouldn't dare," Taehyun narrowed his eyes as he whipped his head around to glare at the boy. Beomgyu raised an eyebrow in a ‘try me’ sort of way. Taehyun sighed. "Hyung, believe me, it's not burning all that much. It's very light, almost unnoticeable."

"Don't try to act all tough with me," Beomgyu said, backing Taehyun into the small space between his table and the wall. For some reason, Taehyun held his breath at the proximity but Beomgyu was unaware and simply looking at him with intense eyes. "Look in my eyes and tell me it doesn't hurt."

The intensity was too much and it was making him feel weak so Taehyun looked away, trying not to think about their position as he mumbled, "It really doesn't..."

"See?" Beomgyu stepped back satisfactorily, pulling up the glass in front of Taehyun's face again. "You can't lie to me. Drink the water, otherwise no dinner for you."

"I'm not hungry anyway," Taehyun muttered and quickly side-stepped Beomgyu before he could corner him again. 

"Drink it for me then," Beomgyu said, following him to his bed. "Even if it doesn't hurt, water is good for you. So drink it."

"Ugh, fine," Taehyun rolled his eyes and grabbed the glass before downing it. He set his eyes on Beomgyu, who was grinning at him and for the first time, Taehyun realised just how pretty the smile was. It made warmth pool in his stomach and something buzz in his chest. 

"Okay, I'll get our dinner ready in five," Beomgyu said in a sing-song tone as he took the glass from him and walked out of Taehyun's bedroom. Taehyun watched the door even after Beomgyu had left, thinking back on what had just happened. 

All this stuff that was suddenly happening to him, only happened when he was around Kai. But he had Hanahaki. He loved Kai. Was it possible to like Beomgyu at the same time? Taehyun was confused, it didn't make sense to him. He couldn't possibly like Beomgyu. He didn't just like anyone so easily.

But then again, Beomgyu wasn't just anyone.

✿

"You have to spend today with me," Kai was pouting full out and giving him the puppy-dog eyes that made Taehyun feel weak enough to just give in. "You are always with Beomgyu-hyung and I miss my best friend, so please? Just today, but all of today! That's all I'm asking..."

"Okay, okay, fine," Taehyun sighed, internally trying to prepare himself for the flower(s?) he would be coughing tonight. "We can do whatever you want for today."

Kai whooped in happiness and jumped up and down. The scene cause the people loitering around the campus to turn and look at them and Taehyun was embarrassed about the whole thing. Kai was cute, but it was still a bit embarrassing to do that... 

And so Taehyun found himself being dragged to whatever places Kai would randomly think of, whether it be trying out the new sweets shop or buying a pair of couple t-shirts for Yeonjun and Soobin (or atleast trying; it was hard to find stuff that came in both Soobin's and Yeonjun's sizes...) but it wasn't for the lack of ideas. Kai took him around everywhere possible and by the time 8 o'clock rolled around, Taehyun was ready to throw up and was desperate to just return to his apartment. 

He loved Kai, he really did, but he didn't want the other boy to find out he has Hanahaki. Knowing Kai, the boy would probably be horrified and try to fall in love with him or something to make it go away but you don't just choose to fall in love. While you can start with a choice, falling in love is a process that happens by itself. It happens without you really realising it and you can't force it. Taehyun did not want to hurt Kai with his impending death for the short while that he was still alive and so he just kept it all in and told Kai, "Today was fun, Kai, but I'm not feeling very well right now... My head is aching. Can we just go home?"

"Oh, yeah, okay," Kai didn't seem sad by it, but nodded seriously as he changed their paths to the one going to their apartments. "Is it hurting too much?"

"No, just lightly but I'm also getting a bit sleepy," Taehyun lied through his teeth, and Kai hummed as they walked over the half-crowded streets. 

In a few minutes, they were standing outside Beomgyu's apartment, Kai insisting on seeing him till they meet Beomgyu. Kai rung the doorbell and they waited in silence until the door opened to reveal Beomgyu, who was wearing a headband. 

"Hyung!" Kai grinned, pulling him into a hug. Beomgyu returned it but his eyes were trained on Taehyun, silently asking him how he was doing. Taehyun shook his head in despair, feeling the flower touch the top of his throat. He wanted to gag so badly but he was just keeping it in, hoping that Kai would just go away soon. "Hyunnie's head hurts."

"Oh, is that so?" Beomgyu asked as he finally stepped away from Kai. Taehyun nodded fervently and stepped inside. "Okay, I'll give him some medicine then. Are you staying for dinner, Kai?"

"We already ate together," Kai said with a bright smile and Beomgyu nodded. "Alright then, take care of Taehyun for me, okay hyung? And you take care too! Bye!"

The moment Kai was gone, Beomgyu shut the door and Taehyun ran straight to the bathroom, Beomgyu at his heels. And he finally let himself gag and retch and tried to get the flower, or flowers, out. Beomgyu started stroking his back and the touch made Taehyun suddenly reel in, feeling the pain suddenly leave for a second before he finally coughed it out.

But instead of the flowers he was expecting, there were just a few petals. Beomgyu seemed just as shocked as Taehyun and the two stared at the petals as if expecting them to reassemble into a flower. After a few minutes of silently staring, Beomgyu finally spoke up. 

"This is...," Beomgyu seemed to not know what to say as he looked at the petals with an indecipherable face. He looked at Taehyun slowly with caution. "I guess this is a good thing."

"It... is?" Taehyun asked weakly, gripping at the toilet seat as he looked straight at Beomgyu who nodded. 

"After spending an entire day with him, at this stage you should be coughing up entire flowers, about 3 to 4 of them," Beomgyu pointed out. "But all you coughed up are a few petals. Unless you still feel like you're going to cough some more?"

"No," Taehyun said honestly. "My throat feels normal, a bit burning but it doesn't feel like I'm going to cough up anything else."

"Then this is...," Beomgyu hesitated, playing with his lower lip as he went back to staring at the petals. "This is a sign that either your feelings for Kai are lessening... Or maybe you're falling for someone else, in a way that's different from Kai. Those are the only two possible answers."

"Oh," Taehyun didn't know how to reply to that. He watched Beomgyu, who wasn't looking at him and instead looking at the flowers. He couldn't tell the black-haired boy that he might be falling for him; of all the people Taehyun could have fallen for, it had to be the one who also had Hanahaki. The entire situation made Taehyun laugh humourlessly on the inside but on the outside, his face was poker straight. 

Maybe he liked Beomgyu more than he realised. Taehyun watched the way Beomgyu brushed his hair out of his eyes before standing up; the slightest things about Beomgyu were looking attractive to him. The realisation made Taehyun curse internally as he stood up too and followed Beomgyu outside to the small kitchen area of their living room. Beomgyu poured out a glass of water for him and as Taehyun sipped on it, he finally looked at him.

"Hyung," Taehyun stopped sipping on the water to ask him something. "Did you... Did you cough up flowers today again?"

"Just 1 and a few petals," Beomgyu answered quietly, looking away as he spoke. Taehyun's eyes widened. Beomgyu coughed up 3-4 flowers everyday on a normal day. "I know, I was surprised too. But maybe it's because I didn't see much of Yeonjun today...?"

"Oh," Taehyun didn't know why he felt so disappointed at that last line. More than the reason that Beomgyu's Hanahaki might be going, he was kinda hoping that it was because he might like him back too. "Could be."

"Either way," Beomgyu quickly put up a smile. "It's okay. I don't expect anything to happen to my life now. I don't hold any hopes and it's better this way. So, um, since you had dinner, you can go and sleep. Your head is aching, right? I'll just have my dinner."

Beomgyu pushed him out of the kitchen and Taehyun knew that Beomgyu knew the headache was a lie but maybe he just wanted to be alone so Taehyun didn't push it. He let Beomgyu manhandle him and went away to his own room and lied down on his bed, thinking about everything that had happened over the past few days. 

❀

Beomgyu knew why his flowers seemed to be less. 

More than four months in, his Hanahaki shouldn't be getting better; it should be getting worse but something was making it better. That something was Taehyun. 

At first, he didn't want to believe it but then he found himself enjoying the company of Taehyun a bit too much, loving his attention. He loved just listening to or paying attention to Taehyun, to do little things that would make his day better or to help him in any way he can, even if it was about a subject he didn't even have. 

And the whole thing was making him miserable. Because this was wrong. 

The thing was, loving Yeonjun always made him happy. Even if it hurt, even if Yeonjun never returned those feelings, the feelings made him feel happy and better. And after loving Yeonjun for so long, it was so confusing to think about what Beomgyu feels for Taehyun because this was different. 

His feelings for Taehyun aren't exactly the same as the ones he has for Yeonjun and Beomgyu didn't think he could ever fall in love with anybody else when he found out he had Hanahaki. Beomgyu felt horrible deep inside because it felt like he was moving on too fast, or like he was falling too fast and he wasn't like that. While Taehyun had been kind and accepting of everything else, if Beomgyu were to tell him of his feelings, then it could only result in Taehyun going away from him. Because Taehyun would be scared. He would feel that Beomgyu moves on too fast, he doesn't have depth. And that's not true. 

Beomgyu was thinking about this one weekend night, when he was sitting on their couch, watching a movie with Taehyun, who was sitting on the floor and leaning against the couch and Beomgyu's folded legs. Beomgyu was absentmindedly playing with Taehyun's hair, a habit he had recently picked up once he realised how soft and fluffy it was. 

He suddenly felt something coming up his throat and immediately jumped up and rushed to the bathroom; this was too usual of an occurrence for them to even be surprised by it. Taehyun quickly paused the movie and followed him. For the first time, Beomgyu wished Taehyun wasn't there with him. 

He coughed up only one flower. 

As Beomgyu stared at the flower, he felt his chest become empty and hollow. The last time he had coughed up just one flower was around 3 months ago. He really was falling in love with Taehyun. And that too at an incredible speed. 

"Are you– are you done, hyung?" Taehyun asked, looking between the flower and Beomgyu frantically. Beomgyu nodded, his face poker straight. He didn't know if he should be happy about this because he was feeling so guilty and filthy inside. He shouldn't be having any kind of feelings for Taehyun... "This is, this is wonderful hyung. Your Hanahaki is getting cured too!"

And then Taehyun hugged him and it made Beomgyu freeze internally, all his thoughts jumping out of the window. Why did it feel so right yet so wrong to have Taehyun in his arms? Why couldn't he just feel either right or wrong and then just make a decision? 

"I'm so happy," Taehyun said, his voice muffled against Beomgyu's neck. Beomgyu could feel his warm breath tickling him but he was frozen as he patted Taehyun's back. "You're gonna be cured hyung. You will be alive. I'm so so happy I can't even tell you in words. You're gonna live."

Beomgyu smiled at the happiness radiating off Taehyun. Taehyun always looked the prettiest when he was happy and smiling. 

✿

There was also something else.

If Beomgyu loved Taehyun deeply enough for his Hanahaki to go, it meant that he loved him a lot. And if Taehyun doesn't love him back, then his love would become unrequited again and he possessed the risk of getting Hanahaki again. 

Or maybe his Hanahaki would never really go; it would just shift from pink roses to whatever else Taehyun felt for him. And then he would die. 

This was so messed up and Beomgyu was miserable. 

But it never happened. His flowers never changed, and they seemed to come up less often than usual and he felt better. He was doing much better and he could focus more on his university and both of them were happy. 

His condition was improving. 

❀

"Hyung...?" Taehyun stepped inside the dark apartment, wondering where the older boy had gone. Beomgyu usually came home straight after his classes, not wanting to spend any time with Yeonjun even more as it ended up making him cough. But maybe, with his situation getting better, he was hanging out with him...? The idea didn't settle well with Taehyun; it was ridiculous to realise that he was feeling jealous. 

Beomgyu wouldn't do that. He wouldn't risk it all again. Taehyun wouldn't let him. He won't let him go back to Yeonjun only to suffer and get Hanahaki again or for his improving condition to start deteriorating again. Taehyun couldn't live without him. He can't watch him die and be left alone. 

"Boo!" Beomgyu suddenly came up from behind him and Taehyun nearly screamed out loud but his instincts were faster as he quickly turned around and hit Beomgyu's neck. "Ow!"

"Hyung!" Taehyun realised he had actually hit Beomgyu, who was rubbing his neck and pouting at the red-haired boy. "I'm so sorry, I just acted on–"

"Are you going to try and chop ghosts in the neck too?" Beomgyu interrupted him, huffing as he made his way to the switches and turned on the light. "Although I don't think that can work. Ghosts aren't opaque, right? Your hand will probably cut through them and they won't even be affected."

"I– what?" Taehyun was a bit baffled by the turn of subject but it was nothing new with Beomgyu so he simply rolled his eyes and plopped down on their small couch, taking up the whole space. "You're so weird hyung."

"But you like this weird," Beomgyu said, moving his eyebrows suggestively. Taehyun blushed and quietly said, "Yeah, yeah."

Beomgyu made his way to couch and sat down on the floor beside it, his head just a foot away from Taehyun's. Taehyun turned his head to look at Beomgyu, who was already staring at him. "What?"

"Where were you?" Beomgyu asked, referring to the time. "You usually come an hour earlier than this time."

"Oh, Kai wanted to show me this cute pet café he found the other day," Taehyun said, his face curling into a smile as he thought about the cute kitten he had seen there. Beomgyu raised an eyebrow at his smile.

"Did you enjoy it?" He asked casually.

"Yeah," Taehyun nodded. "I found this really cute kitten there. It wouldn't stop following me and I didn't even have food for it! I had to buy some because I felt bad just leaving it without giving it anything."

"The kitten sounds like you," Beomgyu said teasingly. 

"How so?" Taehyun challenged, not finding himself similar to the kitten. 

"Well, first of all, you are like a cat," Beomgyu pointed out. "Then you basically followed me around once you found out about my... situation, and I had to give in to you because I felt bad and couldn't leave you without giving you any–"

"Shut up," Taehyun huffed, lightly hitting him but there was a smile on his face. Beomgyu grinned. "You think I'll cough up some petals today?"

"Maybe," Beomgyu hummed, leaning his head against the side rest of the couch. His face was really close to Taehyun's now. Taehyun held his breath. "Spending 1 to 2 hours... You probably will."

They waited. And waited. And waited some more. But it never came. 

It was nearly 12 in the night when they finally accepted that Taehyun wasn't coughing up anything. That he didn't cough even a single petal. 

"You should go to the doctor tomorrow," Beomgyu pointed out. "Find out if you're really, y'know, completely cured."

"Yeah," Taehyun nodded, squeezing Beomgyu's hand. "You are coming with me, right?"

"Of course."

✿ 

"This is amazing, Mr. Kang," the doctor sounded impressed. "Your condition has improved so significantly in the past few days that the flowers in your lungs have gone away completely without surgery!"

"Really?" Taehyun sounded choked up and he was squeezing Beomgyu's hand a bit too tightly. Beomgyu let him do it, didn't make a single sound of complaint. "So, is my– is my Hanahaki gone completely then? Does that mean I am– I am cured?"

"Yes," the doctor was giving him a wide smile and Taehyun's eyes were glossy as he turned to look at Beomgyu who was also smiling widely at him. Beomgyu opened his arms and Taehyun pulled him in a hug. They stayed like that for a few seconds until the doctor coughed and they broke apart to look at him. He was giving them a knowing smile. "Congratulations, Mr. Kang Taehyun. That will be all. You can get the next patient in."

He said the last line to the nurse who nodded. The two boys thanked the doctor and went to the reception but the lady there told them that they didn't have to pay anything so they left the hospital. 

It was as they were walking to their favourite restaurant to celebrate this news, that Taehyun realised something. 

He had no reason to stay with Beomgyu any longer. He could go back to being Kai's roommate. 

It seemed like Beomgyu had realised the same thing because he gave a side-glance to Taehyun and said, "So, are you going to go back to rooming with Kai?"

"No," Taehyun said, shaking his head immediately. He wanted to be selfish. He wanted to stay with Beomgyu a little bit longer. "I, I will stay until you get completely cured. Just because my suffering stopped doesn't mean I can just ditch you. I want to take care of you hyung."

"Yah, I'm the older one here," Beomgyu said, ruffling his hair. "You don't need to take care of me. Hyung will take care of you." 

"Does that mean you want me to go?" Taehyun asked with a pout. 

"No, you can stay if you want to," Beomgyu smiled fondly at him. 

"Then I'll always stay, hyung."

❀

"...and you should know this," Taehyun was chiding him as he rushed around their small kitchen, cooking the dinner while he told Beomgyu off for some reason that Beomgyu couldn't remember or be bothered about. He was too busy watching the younger boy move around, seeing the way his lips formed the words, the way his wide eyes roamed around the room as he walked. "Are you even listening?"

Taehyun had stopped moving around and instead had his hands on his hips; Beomgyu couldn't help the small giggle that left his lips on that scene. Taehyun just looked absolutely adorable in the baby pink and light orange apron that was fit snug around his (not really) tiny body.

"Why are you laughing?" Taehyun demanded, getting closer to Beomgyu but the sight only made Beomgyu giggle even louder. "Hyung, stop giggling! I'm being very serious here!"

"It doesn't suit you, Hyunnie," Beomgyu chuckled, trying to stop himself from laughing. Taehyun's face turned blank as he narrowed his eyes at Beomgyu. 

"You're the first person to ever say that," Taehyun pointed out. "I'm literally one of the only two people that can be seriously serious in our friend group."

"You're right," Beomgyu said gravely, dropping the giggling immediately. "But it's just hard to take you seriously when you're looking so cute and harmless in that apron."

"I–," Taehyun blushed a bright red as he looked down at the apron. "Hyung!"

After that, Taehyun made Beomgyu make their dinner with him and Beomgyu, unwillingly, had no choice but to join because he didn't want Taehyun to glare at him so dangerously. 

"...pour that in the pot," Taehyun told him and Beomgyu did exactly that– and then accidentally knocked down the bowl of kimchi that Taehyun had set next to the stove. "Hyung!"

"Oh my god, I'm sorry Hyunnie, I didn't mean to–!" Beomgyu gaped at the kimchi spread across the white floor, colouring the whole place. Taehyun didn't say anything and just sighed. 

"It's okay, just put the kimchi back in the bowl and clean up," Taehyun said gently, squeezing Beomgyu's shoulder. "I'll think of what to do with it."

"I'm sorry Hyunnie," Beomgyu mumbled, but he could see in the younger's eyes that he was already forgiven. And maybe that was what made him think (or was it just his wishful hoping?) that maybe Taehyun could like him back. 

After all, both of their hanahaki's had started going away after they started living together. Could it possibly be that Taehyun liked him back the same way?

Beomgyu questioned himself the entire time as he cleaned up the kimchi he had dropped. He couldn't answer that question himself though. He looked at Taehyun who was humming to himself as he stirred the pot of their ramyeon. 

Only time will tell if his feelings were reciprocated.

✿

Beomgyu's Hanahaki was a bit different from Taehyun's. Since Taehyun's Hanahaki hadn't actually been in existence for a long time, his petals never really formed the roots in his lungs before it went away. But for Beomgyu, who had suffered for months, the roots of his flower had settled themselves in his lungs and he needed to get it out.

After consulting his doctor, he had received a medicine that would help make the process faster but even after receiving the medicine, Beomgyu was a bit afraid to take it. And it was a natural fear because his flower had been a rose. The stem and the roots that had settled in his lungs were bigger than the small flowers he had coughed up. And the fact that it probably had thorns...

"It will be okay, hyung," Taehyun had been trying to convince him to take it ever since he came to know about the medicine. "Hyung, I know what you're thinking, and I know that you're being logical when you say that it will hurt more than all the flowers combined. But that will be the last. After that, you wouldn't have to go through any of this at all. So please–"

"I know, Hyunnie," Beomgyu couldn't look him in the eyes as he spoke. "I know, it's just that, that something is holding me back. I don't know, I just don't feel good when I try to take it and then it's like, like I have to get away fro–"

Beomgyu suddenly choked. Something was scratching his throat. It felt sharp and pointy and Beomgyu was confused for a second before his mind created an image that shook him to his core– thorns. 

Beomgyu lunged towards the bathroom, clawing at his throat, trying to make the scratching go away but it worsened by the second and he didn't know how he ended up in front of the toilet, trying to heave with Taehyun's hand rubbing over his back soothingly as he tried, tried hard to just get it over with but the thorns were persistent. 

They seemed to tear at his throat, nestling in the wounds, trying to stop there but Beomgyu dry heaved again and again until he felt something pass his tongue. He opened his eyes that had sweat clinging to his eyelashes and watched an end of the thorny stem pass out of his lips to the toilet bowl. 

The green of the stem was half covered in a thick red liquid better known as Beomgyu's blood and the sight made him feel dizzy. His throat was hurting on a whole new level and 'burn' couldn't even sum up ¼th of how bad it hurt. But it wasn't over and the stem seemed to go on and on, having balls of dried flowers stuck between the bundled up thorns and everything hurt so much that Beomgyu wanted to pass out but Taehyun's touch was the only thing keeping him from tipping over that edge.

It would be over after this. He would be free of this curse but only if he got it all out. If he let himself fall asleep now, it would only complicate things and he would end up in a hospital but he didn't want that. Taehyun would probably cry and Beomgyu didn't want to marr his beautiful smiling face with salty tears. So he would brave it and get it all out. 

For what felt like years but were probably minutes, Beomgyu heaved and heaved, got out more and more of the stem until the end finally fell past his lips and Beomgyu saw the brownish ball of roots plop into the toilet bowl with a splash. He felt weak and beyond exhausted, ready to fall asleep any second and the last thing he saw was Taehyun's teary-eyed smile as he murmured, "You did it hyung, you did so well, I'm so proud of you, I'm so happy–"

✿

"...here, take this," someone was saying something. The voice felt awfully familiar to Beomgyu, and it reminded him of a toothy smile and wide shining eyes. Taehyun. 

Taehyun pushed open his mouth and something liquid trickled down his tongue and throat. Whatever it was, seemed to make his throat burn and it was already hurting a lot so Beomgyu's eyes shot open and he tried to sit up and get the liquid out but Taehyun pinned him down and said gently, "It's okay hyung, it will hurt now but it will get better. It gets worse before it gets better."

It hurt a lot but Beomgyu wanted to believe Taehyun; so he did. He let his body relax and tried to ignore the burn in his throat. He tried to distract himself by looking around. 

They were in his room, on his bed. The curtains were drawn but it was too dark outside to actually give any light anyway. The table lamps were glowing a soothing yellow and Taehyun seemed to glow despite not even having a smile on his face. 

"Y– You're glowing," Beomgyu croaked out. 

"Shh," Taehyun placed his index finger on Beomgyu's lips, that were suspiciously dry for all the heaving he remembered having done. "Don't talk hyung. Let the medicine work."

Beomgyu just gave a small nod but it made pain shoot through his head so he winced. Taehyun's eyes seemed to probe him everywhere as the younger boy sat next to him on the bed. 

"I'm not glowing," Taehyun finally smiled. "But if I do, then it's probably because I'm happy. I, I don't even know what to say, I don't know what to do, I just, I called the doctor because I was so worried and I got this medicine according to what he told me and I think you should start feeling better soon–"

Taehyun's rambling was cut short by Beomgyu, who placed his hand over the boy's mouth. Taehyun paused and looked at him with such soft eyes that Beomgyu felt like throwing up again but he shook those thoughts of his head and swallowed down the hope in his chest as he said, "You were really really worried about me, huh?"

"Of course I was, hyung," Taehyun sounded sincere. "I love you. Of course I'll be worried and concerned because I know you're hurting. I know we were friends before but these past three months have shown me who you truly are and it's impossible to not care for you after that."

Love. Such a deep word, said in so many different meanings. Beomgyu's fist clenched as he wondered which love Taehyun meant. Was it friendly, brotherly? Or was it the way Beomgyu loved Taehyun, wanting him deep inside? But he couldn't hide any longer. He wanted to tell Taehyun, knew the younger boy would understand... Taehyun was smart and sweet like that. 

"Me too," Beomgyu whispered. His chest felt much better now, even if the burn wasn't completely gone. Exhaustion was taking over him again but he fought to stay awake. "I like you so much too Hyunnie. I wish, I wish we had never gone through this. But then maybe, we might have never really become as close as we are now. And I know it's stupid to wish this, but sometimes I can't help but wish that it was the two of us who should have fallen in love with each other than our friends who will never look at us that way. Maybe then, we both wouldn't have had to hurt so much..."

Beomgyu didn't stay awake to listen to Taehyun's reply. His body was far too tired to let him stay awake for longer and the relief in his chest was pulling him back to sleep again.

❀

Beomgyu's words seemed to echo in Taehyun's head for the following days. 

It had been incredibly hard for them to pull out a believable lie to tell their other friends because Beomgyu got bed-ridden for 3 days as a result of the throw-up. Taehyun had to convince them all that Beomgyu was okay and they had been to a doctor and he was going to be perfectly fine very soon without letting them know about the Hanahaki part.

The doctor had put him on saline and agreed to let Beomgyu remain at their apartment so as not to raise suspicion; the doctor was well aware about how Hanahaki victims could get about their secrecy of the whole situation. 

Taehyun and Beomgyu had decided to never let the other boys know about the truth, not wanting them to feel guilty or something like that because they knew that they were very likely to do that. No, they were happy keeping the disease a secret between themselves. 

But what Taehyun wasn't happy about was that Beomgyu was acting like he hadn't said anything as dangerous before falling asleep. What he had said had made Taehyun's heart leap into his throat, given him hope that shouldn't be watered but was brought to existence by Beomgyu himself. Why, why did he say that?

Taehyun wondered if it was a sign. From Beomgyu himself. That maybe the older boy liked him too but was too afraid to say anything and so he chose to hide it under this. 

It was a bit far fetched but at the same time, it seemed possible to Taehyun because he wasn't an idiot. He knew the way Beomgyu sometimes looked at him, the way he found the older boy staring at him as he worked around the room talking about anything and everything. Maybe he was being hopeful and naive but he really thought he could see that he wasn't the only one who relished in their lingering touches and gentle moments.

So he made a decision. 

He would tell Beomgyu the truth. Tell him how he feels towards him and hopefully, the older boy will either return his feelings or else– he would understand. Of all the things that Taehyun was sure of, this was one of them. Beomgyu would never hurt him if he confesses. He would gently reject the boy and that would hurt, but Taehyun knew that Beomgyu would never ridicule or mock him or make light of his feelings. Because the Beomgyu he knew and had come to love was someone too kind, too gentle, too caring to hurt him like that. 

✿

It was a week after Beomgyu's last throw-up. They had planned to throw a small party by themselves to celebrate their win over the battle with Hanahaki. Taehyun had decided to confess after they were done eating. 

He wasn't sure why he thought it was good idea because at the last moment, he was feeling nervous and scared and his hands were shaking but he tried to hide them in his lap as he curled into their small couch. Beomgyu had insisted upon it being him who cleared the table since Taehyun was the one to order the food and set it; so Taehyun had settled on the couch, waiting for Beomgyu to come and to just tell him the truth once and for all.

"You okay?" Beomgyu asked slowly as he sat down next to him. "You look a bit scared, Hyunnie. We don't have to watch any horror movies, you know that, right? You can choose any of them, I don't mind–"

"It's not that," Taehyun said suddenly, clenching his hands around the hem of his (Beomgyu's, actually) grey hoodie. "I... want to tell you something."

"Okay...?" Beomgyu seemed a bit worried but all his attention was on Taehyun so Taehyun made himself calm down enough to take a deep breath. 

"I like you hyung," Taehyun said out loud. Beomgyu's eyes widened for a second and he opened his mouth but Taehyun rushed to finish, "More than a friend, I mean. I like you, no, maybe I love you– a lot. It's the reason why my Hanahaki, you know..."

"Oh," Beomgyu seemed dumbfounded for a second before he sighed. Taehyun's heart dropped to his stomach. "Oh, Hyunnie... Me too. I love you too."

"Y- You do?" Taehyun asked, not knowing what to think because his mind was a mush at the moment. "You, you like me too?"

"I do," Beomgyu bit his lip, but didn't look Taehyun in the eye. "But I'm, I'm a bit worried Taehyun. I'm scared."

"Why, hyung?" Taehyun's inner caring side took over as he inched closer to Beomgyu, opening his arms so that the older boy could hug him. Beomgyu held him closer, his nose buried in the crook of Taehyun's neck as he answered. 

"I'm worried that this isn't love that I'm feeling. I like you, I know that. But I can't remember what it is like to love someone. I have only ever loved Yeonjun-hyung and what I feel for you, is much different from what I felt for him. Or rather, it all feels so foreign because I have never thought of anyone else like this. And I don't want to hurt you, Taehyunnie. You deserve the world, and I'm afraid that I can't give you that. I'm afraid that this isn't love, it's just me seeking comfort because you make me feel better."

"Hyung," Taehyun didn't know what to say to him for a few seconds. He wanted to defy the boy but he had his own fears too. "Why do you think that you overcame Hanahaki?"

"Because... of you," Beomgyu hesitated in answering but Taehyun could see that it was because he wasn't very sure of his answer himself. Because he was genuinely surprised that his Hanahaki had truly gone away.

"Hyung, Hanahaki doesn't go away so easily," Taehyun slipped his hand into Beomgyu's and wrapped the other arm around his shoulders. "I think, our feelings are stronger than that. I think that it's not simply comfort, that it's something deeper than that. I don't know about love, but aren't we young? We have so much time, we can figure ourselves out along the way, we can help each other figure out ourselves. We don't need to have all our shit sorted out, hyung. We'll get it done as time passes by. So just, believe me. And believe in us."

Beomgyu knew that Taehyun was right. He was worrying about something that was too far into the future when all he needed to do was focus on the present. Because the past had already happened and the future was too far away for him to let it ruin his present. 

So Beomgyu believed him. He nodded and Taehyun smiled and they let themselves be held by each other, let the warmth and comfort seep in, let sleep take over them.

Because as long as they were in each other's arms, loving, trusting and caring for each other– there will be no flowers that grace their lives again in any way that could hurt them.

✿

The End!

**Author's Note:**

> Whoo, finally done! Can you believe this fic was supposed to be 7-8k? I have no clue how I ended up with a number that is double of that!  
> I'm not that good at writing angst, but I hope it was good! Let me know your thoughts on this fic with kudos or comments 😊
> 
> This is my belated birthday gift for Taehyun's birthday... I plan to put out a small YeonBin after this and then I have planned a Kai-centric OT5 fanfic for their debut anniversary ;) Hope you look forward to that! 💜


End file.
